The Elements of Style 札记二（下）

II. Elementary Principle of Composition (b)

18. 避免一连串的松散句式。
松散的句式指的是由两个分句组成的句子，其中第二分句被一个连词或是关系代词所引导。句式过于紧凑且呈圆周性^*将使得文字过分正式，所以，偶尔插入一些松散句式可以在一定程度上舒缓读者。因此，松散句式是随意而自然的写作方式。但滥用松散句式也是一种危险。

一个没有经验的作者有时会用松散句式堆积起整个段落，使用诸如 and、but 连词或者较少用的 who、which、when、where 和 while 等非限制性定语从句关系代词。比如下面这段糟糕的文字：
The third concert of the subscription series was given last evening and a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton was the soloist, and the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music. The former showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the latter proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation. The interest aroused by the series has been very gratifying to the Committee, and it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter. The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive program will be presented.

除了空洞的陈词外，上面的这个段落在句式上也是糟糕的。试比较下面的一段，摘自 E. M. Forster 的《Two Cheers for Democracy》的“What I believe”一章：
I believe in aristocracy, though – if that is the right word, and if a democrat may use it. Not an aristocracy of power, based upon rank and influence, but an aristocracy of the sensitive, the considerate and plucky. Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all through the ages, and there is a secret understanding between them when they meet. They represent the true human tradition, the one permanent victory of our queer race over cruelty and chaos. Thousands of them perish in obscurity, a few are great names. They are sensitive for others as well as for themselves, they are considerate without being fussy, their pluck is not swankiness but the power to endure, and they can take a joke.

修改由松散句式组成的段落的方式是将其中大部分句子替换为简单句、由用分号连接的两个分句组成的句子、由两个分句组成的圆周句、或是由三个分句组成的松散句或圆周句——不管是什么，它们都应当表达出思维的逻辑关系。

19. 用类似的句式表达并列的思想。
内容和功能类似的思想在外在表达方式上也应当类似，比如大家最熟悉的八福：
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

当不断地重复强调一件事情时，作者可能需要变换句式。否则，作者应该保持类似的句式。同样的道理，冠词和介词的使用也要一致，要么只用于第一个名词，要么就每个名词都用：
in spring, summer, or winter (in spring, in summer, or in winter)

一些关联词（both、and；not、but；not only、but also；either、or；first、second、third；等等）后面的句子必须保持相同的语法结构：
It was both a long ceremony and very tedious.
The ceremony was both long and tedious.

20. 把相关的词放在一起。
句子中的词的位置相当重要。把相关的词放在一起，不相关的词分开来。
He noticed a large stain in the rug that was right in the center.
He noticed a large stain right in the center of the rug.

You can call your mother in London and tell her all about George's taking you out to dinner for just two dollars.
For just two dollars you can call your mother in London and tell her all about George's taking you out to dinner.

New York's first commercial human-sperm bank opened Friday with semen samples from eighteen men frozen in a stainless steel tank.
New York's first commercial human-sperm bank opened Friday when semen samples were taken from eighteen men. The samples were then frozen and stored in a stainless steel tank.

句子的主语和动词不能被可以移到句首的词组或从句分开：
Toni Morrison, in Beloved, writes about characters who have escaped from slavery but are haunted by its heritage.
In Beloved, Toni Morrison writes about characters who have escaped from slavery but are haunted by its heritage.

A dog, if you fail to discipline him, becomes a household pest.
Unless disciplined, a dog becomes a household pest.

在主语和动词间插入内容会影响句子的通顺性。但有时在圆周句中需要使用插入来制造停顿。（见规则 22 下的例句。）

大部分情况下，关系代词应当紧随其先行词：
There was a stir in the audience that suggested disapproval.
A stir that suggested disapproval swept the audience.

He wrote three articles about his adventures in Spain, which were published in Harper's Magazine.
He published three articles in Harper's Magazine about his adventures in Spain.

先行词的结构有时比较复杂，把关系代词置于最后可能会造成歧义，如：“A proposal to amend the Sherman Act, which has been variously judged…”这时需要把关系从句前移：“A proposal, which has been variously judged, to amend Sherman Act…”另外，同位语可以插于先行词和关系代词之间，因为不可能造成歧义。

修饰词应当尽可能地紧随被修饰词出现。如果同一个词被多个短语修饰，那么必须慎重排置这些短语的位置，以免造成歧义：
She only found two mistakes.
She found only two mistakes.

The director said he hoped all members would give generously to the Fund at a meeting of the committee yesterday.
At a meeting of the committee yesterday, the director said he hoped all members would give generously to the Fund.

Major R. E. Joyce will give a lecture on Tuesday evening in Bailey Hall, to which the public is invited on "My Experiences in Mesopotamia" at 8:00 p.m.
On Tuesday evening at eight, Major R. E. Joyce will give a lecture in Bailey Hall on "My Experiences in Mesopotamia." The public is invited.

21. 在概括文字中保持同一个时态。
在概括戏剧的动作的时候使用现在时。在概括诗歌、故事、或小说等的时候，也要使用现在时，但若你觉得使用过去时更自然的话也可以。如果使用现在时，那么之前发生的动作就要使用完成时；如果使用过去时则是过去完成时。
Chance prevents Friar John from delivering Friar Lawrence's letter to Romeo. Meanwhile, owing to her father's arbitrary change of the day set for her wedding, Juliet has been compelled to drink the potion on Tuesday night, with the result that Balthazar informs Romeo of her supposed death before Friar Lawrence learns of the non-delivery of the letter.

不过不管在概括中使用什么时态，在间接引用的对话中总是使用过去时。
The Friar confesses that it was he who married them.

在转述他人的文字或思想的时候（如概括一篇论文或是演讲），不要滥用“he said”、“she stated”、“the speaker added”、“the speaker then went on to say”、“the author also thinks”等等。在开篇时就应当一次性指明下面的文字是一段概括，之后就不要在这上面浪费笔墨了。

在笔记、报纸或是文学阅读札记中，概括是不可或缺的。但当你在对文学的进行评论或阐释性的文字创作中就应尽量少用概括，只需一两句话点到为止，而将主要精力放在有理有据的论述上。

22. 要强调的内容放在句末。
读者最容易关注到的内容一般都在句子的末尾。
Humanity has hardly advanced in fortitude since that time, though it has advanced in many other ways.
Since that time, humanity has advanced in many ways, but it has hardly advanced in fortitude.

This steel is principally used for making razors, because of its hardness.
Because of its hardness, this steel is used principally for making razors.

圆周句中容易引起读者注意的也是出于句末的主句：
Four centuries ago, Christopher Columbus, one of the Italian mariners whom the decline of their own republics had put at the service of the world and of adventure, seeking for Spain a westward passage to the Indies to offset the achievement of Portuguese discoverers, lighted on America.

With these hopes and in this belief I would urge you, laying aside all hindrance, thrusting away all private aims, to devote yourself unswervingly and unflinchingly to the vigorous and successful prosecution of this war.

另外一个容易引起读者注意的位置是句首。置于句首的只要不是主语都会引起读者的注意：
Deceit or treachery she could never forgive.

Vast and rude, fretted by the action of nearly three thousand years, the fragments of this architecture may often seem, at first sight, like works of nature.

Through the middle of the valley flowed a winding stream.

一句话中最容易引起读者注意的位置是句末，同样的道理，一段话中最容易引起读者注意的也是最后一句话，一篇文章中也是最后一段。

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* GnuDoyng 注：句子的圆周性（periodicity）指的是句子一直到句末其语法才完备的性质，在句末之前，常常伴随着某些短语或从句的周期性重复。如哥林多前书第 13 章第 2 节（NRSV）：
And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.